CREATE LASTING BEHAVIORAL CHANGE.
Transformation of any kind, no matter how necessary or small can be challenging. We all want to show up more fully, but we don’t know HOW.
What makes behavioral change so challenging is that we are called to explore it in an imperfect world.
Here, we visit six survival mechanisms that can prevent us from creating lasting change. These are ideas that many of us harbor inside privately, and we are bringing them to the forefront.
By bringing forward our awareness to these concepts, we can question, reflect, and hold space for our past decisions, as they were merely the choice that we felt was necessary in that moment.
When we become conscious of this, we are then able to shift our perspective and take action moving forward.
SURVIVAL MECHANISM
“I ALREADY KNOW WHAT TO DO.”
Just because we understand something, does not mean we will always do it.
Many of us know the behavior we should participate in: 7-8 hours of sleep, breath-work, managing time well, exercising regularly, eating nutrient-dense whole foods, or finding meaning through purpose, community, etc.
However, that alone doesn’t mean we actually do it. When we remain in the emotions of pride, we subconsciously insert judgment.
“Yeah, we should eat loads of fresh veggies and get some fresh air, I know this already!” (subconscious pride)
Unfortunately, we also begin to think, “Well damn, I already know this and I’m not doing it, so it must mean that I’m lazy, undisciplined, pathetic, etc.” (subconscious judgement)
When you find yourself in this cycle, we invite you to take a new approach which may sound something like this:
“What I need most in this moment is ______? ”
This small shift helps us meet ourselves at a place of kindness and self-compassion, making it easier to show up. In this, we can evaluate how to fully participate, shake it off, and try again - consciously choosing our next course of action.
Take for example, setting a goal to walk 5k-10k steps a day. This is simple to do, but it also easy NOT to do. The things that feel blatantly obvious are often the things that we neglect first, so respecting that even though it feels as though it is overtly simplistic we still must honor and show up for the work. By setting a specific time to go on a walk it allows us to respect the energy required of you in order to execute such a task.
Tool: Be specific. Make a plan that lines out the TIME and the LOCATION.
Example: I will exercise for 30 minutes at 9:30am on MWF on my yoga mat in the living room.
SURVIVAL MECHANISM
“I GO WITH THE FLOW.”
Left to our own devices, we will commonly pick what we want to do instead of what we need to do. So often we hear that people reject or resist structure, routine, ritual with the fear that they won’t be able to express and create freely. Ironically, we find, that structure is an amazing tool to help support true freedom.
Some examples of structure include a specific schedule, habit tracking sheets, ritual reminders, meal planners, calendar appointments, progress photos, etc.
Perspective Shift: Structure helps us have a game plan so when our behaviors drift we are reminded of our long-term intentions.
We acknowledge that life WILL throw us curveballs. The following are tools we can use when confronted by triggers:
Take a breath. Sometimes we feel overwhelmed, this reminds us to keep a minimal approach to our systems and structures. I like to put my right hand to my heart, feet firm on the ground, and take several deep inhales & exhales. Here is a short guided breathwork exercise.
Have honest boundaries, systems, and structures that are detailed & specific. When we go with the flow, we spend too much time and energy constantly thinking about every little decision we make in a day. We like to implement short windows of intentional focus so we use a timer to break down work in to intervals, typically no longer than 25 minutes in length, separated by short breaks.
Find an accountability partner. Sometimes we are more likely to show up for things when we are collaborating. We can’t always rely on feeling a responsibility towards others, but we can use it as a bridge to build confidence and learn to feel more responsible to ourselves and each other. We like to fill out our MG Accountability sheets and then text them to a friend.
Using strategic design, we learn how to navigate and create structure within our environments. This keeps us locked into the rhythms we want for ourselves on a day-to-day basis.
SURVIVAL MECHANISM
“WELL, TODAY IS A SPECIAL DAY.”
“It’s our anniversary, a baby shower, a birthday, we’re traveling, we’re stressed, last day of work - Friday, Saturday, Sunday, etc.”
It is okay to intentionally celebrate your life. What can be an obstacle to you achieving your long-term goals is unconsciously leveraging any life experience to make a choice that doesn’t support your vision for your life. Our time here on this earth is far too precious to spend energy constantly living in regret of our choices.
“Live in the moment but keep in mind that every decision you make will affect the bigger picture.”
If you choose something, we invite you to choose wholeheartedly with awareness. There’s nothing worse than making choices only to complain about them later. Be intentional; choose what you REALLY want and pass on the rest.
Perspective Shift: Everyday I am alive, I have an opportunity to live my life with purpose. I will make choices that help me do so.
SURVIVAL MECHANISM
“MY MOTIVATION WILL NOT FADE”
There’s a myth that motivation will be sustained. We acknowledge that we will not have the same level of sustained energy throughout any process, and that’s natural.
If you’re feeling unmotivated, allow yourself to feel that. Give yourself permission to show up in the best way that you can every day, even if it’s for a gentle, mindful walk outside. A little of something is better than nothing.
It is important not to rely on the emotions of motivation in order to sustain your habits. Show up anyway, with what you have. It is the little choices we make habitually which contribute to our long term vision.
Perspective Shift: I’m aware that motivation is a temporary emotion, it will ebb & flow.
Your motivation WILL run out before you get the result you want. Instead of focusing on the end results, harness your attention to the daily small wins and behaviors that reinforce your intentions. For example, we don’t think about losing weight we focus on things like drinking water instead of coffee loaded with cream and sugar, getting our 5K-10K steps daily instead of sitting on the couch, and cooking nutrient dense meals instead of ordering take-out.
Tool: Write out your Daily 3. These are three items for you to do today that will help you get one step closer to your intention.
SURVIVAL MECHANISM
“MY CHANGE WILL BE PERMANENT.”
Growth is not linear. When we learn strategies to navigate our lives, it is inevitable that we have times when we ‘fall off track’. The most important skill that we can learn to use on a regular basis, is resilience so when we do feel defeated, we decide to show up in ways that serve us.
“Learn to quickly recognize when we are participating in behaviors that no longer serve us, and make adjustments with urgency.”
Tools like the MG Method’s ritual reminders help us identify our progress and audit our day-to-day behavior. By keeping our intentions top of mind, we alter our approach to difficult obstacles in life because we’re able to see our progress. We simplify, we change it up, we continue to monitor ourselves, but we stay flexible.
Perspective Shift: The goal is not to never have a problem, the goal is to recognize more quickly when we have drifted away from behavior that helps us combat the problem.
SURVIVAL MECHANISM
“I DON’T HAVE THE RESOURCES.”
Our brain looks for reasons to divert from change of any kind. If the resources don’t feel present, can we commit to finding a resolution? There are always options. When we can avoid absolute thinking, we are more likely to discover creative solutions.
Many of us think we need external factors outside of ourselves to foster change. This reasoning keeps us “safe” by not further exploring what we know to be true and what will give us the answers we need to move forward with a decision, behavior, goal, etc. Ask yourself, “What do I already have access to that I can use?” or “How can I make this work regardless of the present obstacles?”
Tools: Adopt a ‘no matter what’ mentality. Sometimes the ‘what’ will change. How you will accomplish it will shift, but if you decide that you will show up regardless, then you become an active participant in your growth.
“How will I choose to participate today with what I currently have?”
Think about how you perceive the behavioral approaches above in your own life and allow yourself to shift your mental and physical approaches to change. Behavioral change requires we give ourselves an opportunity to feel something different only to then think and do something different.
We pivot, patiently, wholeheartedly, and consciously.
If you want weekly accountability sheets (Ritual Reminder, Daily 3, Grocery List, Meal Planner and more) to help you with your journey, you can purchase the the FOUNDATIONS e.book.
If you would like to schedule a 1-on-1 mindset meeting with Maxine to work in detail on lasting behavioral change, you can schedule an appointment here.
